i try so hard
but yet, im never content with what i achieve
because its always not the best
no matter how hard i try
im never good enough.

also,
thanks for giving me 8 months of euphoria.
it's been a great ride
but i think it's time for me to let go and
move on.

sorry

i haven't been updating.
basically because finals is next week thus im stressed
also, i am too lazy =)


but im eexcited for next friday!
woo, dancing singing with catherine
well mostly just me dancing and catherine staring at me in disgust. :D WOOT.


1st semester = total bomb
2nd semester will be = contentment.
it better be contentment. >:O


and im such a dork that i like to put makeup on when im bored.
i think ill start wearing.. eyeliner and stuff when im a junior
or maybe even now/later in sophmore year
but no one would really notice anyways since i have no lids
and i would only put it on the top lid, not the bottom.
But, yeah. :P

WHY?

Why did I put myself in this position?! If I wasn't in this position, I bet you 100% on February 2nd I wouldn't be worrying at all and be rocking out (haha) and going to that concert. I could have gotten 5th row tickets. But just by myself. -_- Well things happen for a reason. So I woke up at 9:30 and I had some free time and I was really bored so I put eyeliner on (yeah, great way to spend my time. -_-) and boy, how makeup can change a person. it made my eyes bigger. haha
and then i dressed like nick jonas.
.... shut up. lol


i also read Euro stuff about the Catholic Counter Reformation, Protestant Reformation, and French Wars of Religion.
And I felt like I don't remember anything.
Well I probably do, but I need to go way more in depth.
That's why I have two study guides, one AP review book, and the small book. =) I'm set.
I'm studying Euro 2 hours each day eexcept for Tues (bc of mentoring)

Paul is going to look through my math notes and tell me what to study (I already studied but I'm studying for like 3 more hours tomorrow because I need a 95% on this test).
So I hope that helps.
I'm already freaking out about this test.
I just hope I don't freak out during the test and blank out.
Because that happens to me..
A LOT.

This is a sad day for a Jonas sister.

Yeah, I go on IMDB Jonas Brothers.
I'm not close to anyone on there because I solely only go on there to learn new JB news.
But the other girls on there are so close, they (think) are best friends.
I don't really understand how you can be a best friend with someone you never met, but I can't tell them that.
So, this girl named Andie used to go on the boards.
She made her last thread saying she was going to kill herself.
Everyone, obviously, said no.
She didn't listen to us.
She died on Thursday.
It's just so shocking. I don't even know her, but I'm pretty shocked.
I just don't understand why someone would want to kill themselves.
Here's what someone wrote about suicide:

ANDIE WAS A GREAT FRIEND, BUT IN NO WAY AM I SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

LIFE IS A BEATIFUL THING, AND YOU SHOULD CHERISH EVERY MOMENT OF IT.

IT IS HER FAULT SHE ENDED HERS. NOT OURS.

SHE COULD HAVE STOPPED HERSELF. BUT SHE DIDNT.

THERE IS NO REASON ANYONE SHOULD END THEIR LIFE.

LIFE IS SHORT ENOUGH ALREADY.

YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU EVEN HAVE A LIFE.

YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.

SHE IS LUCKY SHE HAD A ROOF ON HER HEAD. CLOTHES ON HER BACK. FOOD ON HER PLATE.

IM SURE SHE HAD PEOPLE WHO LOVED AND CARED FOR HER.

AND IF SHE SAID SHE DIDNT, SHE DID.

SHE HAD US. WE LOVED AND CARED FOR HER. WE LOVE AND CARE FOR ALL OF OUR JONAS SISTERS.

I AM DISGUSTED THAT SHE WOULD THROW THAT ALL AWAY.

THATS LIKE SMACKING GOD IN THE FACE.

"I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE"

LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING.

IM SORRY THAT JUST ANGERS ME THAT SOMEONE WOULD EVEN THINK LET ALONE DO THAT TO THEMSELVES.

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS, YOU CANT SAY THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT IT.

YOU JUST CANT.

Everyone thinks that there lifes suck at one point.
But why would you throw your own life away?
People who suicide think that no one loves them.
That is not true.
They just input into their minds that no one likes them.
They don't try.

So who ever has thought about suicide..
Just think again.

On a more happier note:
I found some child albums on my dad and wow.
My dad was very handsome!
Not that he isn't anymore, but... Hahaha
He was drinking some wine when I showed him the albums and all he kept on saying was, "Wow I was a handsome boy!!" And he remembered every detail in the picture.
Now I want to make albums of my life (at the end of Highschool and on) so I can show my kids one day.
Memories are forever.

Oh, and PS.
I think my JB "obsession" is slowly dying.
Well, let me make this more clear.
I finally don't really care if I go to their concert or meet them,
because obviously I won't.
I'll just like them for their music.
You know, Sammy made me pissed off when she said that I wouldn't even know if JB is nice or not.
So in the interviews they are in, they act fake?
I find that funny because even if someone acts fake, you can tell.
Like if Valerie acts fake, everyone can tell if they observe her.
Shut your mouth Sammy.
And shut your mouth about how every freaking girl is ugly.
I really don't know why you say that.
Maybe you have such low self esteem that you say everyone is ugly to make your self feel better?
Annika said Sammy has got to be the most full-of-herself girl she's ever met.
Yeah, she doesn't really act like it
Example: She says that she hates her legs, she thinks shes fat. But yet on her Myspace, she has a picture of her LEGS next to a girl who is obviously not as skinny and dark as her. Also, she had a MS pic of her in a tinytiny bikini. If she was so self-conscious about herself, she wouldn't even put those pictures up.
I would never have the guts to tell her this myself, because she can be pretty intimidating.
But trust me, all the little hints and stuff she says and does
She's one conceited person.
That's why when I talk to Sammy, I don't talk about girls and stuff.
Because I'm sick of her saying that about girls who are PRETTY.
She said Emily L, Elizabeth R., Halston F, etc are all ugly.
-_-
Sammy is pretty, but she has one ugly personality.
Ugh.

ARGHH

1 more week until I can raise my grades.
poooper scooper.

i dont feel like writing.
a 5 hour nap is awesome. hahahaha
and watching House and eating popcorn with my sis is always enjoyable.

which brings me up to this point..
kayla, this is for you.
remmeber when i was joking about on winter formal, we would watch House together?
well then when I said that Christine was all like, "Yeah we should watch House."
wtf? she doesn't even watch House
-_- i hate how she eavesdrops on my conversations and continues it with ANOTHER person.
like how i was talking to catherine about the girl who won HM tickets and lied about her dad dying in war. catherine told me she was laughing at what i was saying and she continued it with kristen. but kristen wasnt even interested. -_-
wow
sometimes i just want to hit her and say to stop it
stop acting liike we're still friends
bc we're not
harsh i know, but she acts like nothing happened


nancy + christine = twins
its scary how depressing they both are
not to mention all the complaining they do

Name change?

So I was eating dinner with my familia and then we were suddenly talking about how each name seems to fit each person. My dad chimes in saying that he hates his name - Johnny. Not John, but Johnny. We were trying to figure out a name that would fit him and we decided on David. Lol.
My dad was all like, "Yeah I like that name, but.. It's a bit too late to change my name. I mean, everyone at work knows me by Johnny! At least 100 people!" XD
So he said once he retires he wants us to call him.. David. Hahaha
David and Amy. Awww!

We were eating spicy chicken and whenever we eat something spicy, my sister's lips plump up x10. seriously. so my mom was all like, "annika you dont need to get any plumping surgery for your lips! just eat something spicy and go!" and my dad was like, "botox girl! angelina jolieeeee -kiss sounds-"
bahaha. wow i love my family.

AND WHAT THE FREAK.
I HATE PAULINA (not really, but right now I do. Not hate, but jealously)
HER MOM BOUGHT HER GODDAMN TICKETS TO A JB CONCERT
WTF
Ugh, you suck Paulina! lol
take pictures
and stuff. :D

lala

You know how girls think about their future? What they want their future husbands to look and act like, what house you want, what you're wedding will be, etc?
Well I was thinking about what my wedding should be.
I'm pretty conservative, traditional and old-fashioned when it comes to marriage and whatnot (against sex or anything sexual before marriage) and I'm pretty proud that I'm keeping that promise. JB have purity rings, but I don't think I need a ring to tell me I'm keeping that promise. Haha
Well for my wedding, I would really like to have a traditional wedding in a gorgeous church (with amazing windows) and then after that, a traditional Korean wedding. I doubt that I will marry a white dude (lol, but you never know) but I would really like to have a Korean wedding. I watched my parent's wedding video (I can't believe it still works! after 20 years) and their traditional Korean wedding looked so much fun. They bowed to their parents and threw chestnuts at eachother! XD Well, not at eachother, but in their laps.
Also, I love Hanboks (girlls, not so fond of the guy hanbok)

Paul sent me this site where it sells hanboks and theyre sooo pretty. Heck, even Paris Hilton bought a Hanbok when she was in Korea. I like the hanbok better than the traditional Chinese dress because the Chinese dress seems too closed up.

Those are a couple. It's funny because my mom has the exact same mirror in the first picture. XD
But I'm not too fond of the shoes they are wearing.

Yeah, when I was looking at Kayla's xanga, it hit me that I reallly don't like to model (im not even a model potential hahahahaha).
Maybe it's because someone is barking orders that I don't like?
I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the person because I hated to "model" for Christine.
She kept on telling me to do this and do that and I didn't even want to do it.
I just did it to make her happy. -_-
And whenever I told her to do something, she always rebelled.


Speaking of models, I was watching Bravo TV and there is a showw called I want to be a Supermodel and I must say, it's better than ANTM.
There are guys in it. =) And the cohost is Tyson B. (he looks half asian because of his eyes haha. but he is mmm!)
All the guys on the showw are too ridicuously good looking (lol zoolander)
I would hate to date a guy model because they're so good looking it makes me wanna puke.

I want to travel Europe. -sigh-
Just looking at the pictures is breathtaking.
I wonder how BEING there will be.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thepretender/sets/72157600003223866/detail

WHAT THE FRICK,

Dude, so today the LA JB show goes on sale and more than 1000 people are at the box office right now to win the first 20 rows. And guess who's there? THE JONAS BROTHERS THEMSELVES. :[ If I knew how to drive, I would drive to LA. -_- I've been listening to Norah Jones lately. I like her voice. We had her CD, but I don't know where it is. Blahhh.

I don't really feel like writing any more.
I think I'm sick. D:

SqueakyButt5: and my moms like THE HOTTEST GUYS IN THE WORLD ! TRUST ME I WOULD KNOW THIS IVE BEEN LISTENING TO THESE GIRLS TALK ABOUT THEM FOR THE PAST 6TH MONTHS!

Hahaha Paulina's mom is awesome. :]

Byebye Winter Break!

HELLO, MY NAME IS ERMA. NICK IS MAH BUDDY. Hahahahahaha.

Whateva! (hand motion)

I kept on saying that while I was trying to go to bed and Annika almost had a fit. Bahaha. And then she gave me the usual, "Why do you even like those 3 boys?" talk. Psh, why does she like Hugh Laurie?! Well.. Nevermind, Hugh is legit. Tomorrow is school. NOOO :[ I've been a bit superstitious lately. I read my horoscope and it said that if a friend planned something (hangout) then I shouldn't go if I don't feel RIGHT about it. Well just so happens that Catherine invited me to go iceskating with her and Mica, Paulina, and Kristen. I was still sore for skiing (-_- don't laugh) and I just didn't feel like going out so here I am, home. With a random Korean guy in my house measuring our windows. I was sleeping and my mom's like, "WAKE UP!" and then this guy comes in laughing and says sorry. While I'm in my hello kitty pajamas and my hair is all messed up. Yeppp :D Today I need to finish English homework and review my Biology homework. YES! Then I need to go to Staples to buy.. whiteout. I'm going to bake some cookies and paint my nails. Hahaha Oh wow. I had the weirdest dream. I had a dream that I was watching a play at our school and they were passing out chips and I wanteed two bags of chips and everyone looks at me and they're like, "she wants two.." then all of a sudden they give me their food (not chip. ohohohho it changed to REAL food.) I have no idea why, but Debbie and these tennis girls were there. Debbie was eating this.. Chinese looking thing. And HAHHAA the random thing of the dream. Kayla's sister was there! So, back to the dream, I was eating my food and then all of a sudden I am on the stage as an actress but I had no idea what to do so I was just at the side of the stage. Then Sammy texted me and it wasn't a regular text. It was a handwritten one.. And it said. "bla blah Jerry said he likes me and I'm jealous" I really don't know why it said jealous, wouldn't she be happy?
THEN, my dream switches to a chaotic (not everyone is running around but we're in a big room) scene where I'm with Paulina (my Paulina) and with her friends, Tammy, Jenny, and Roger (I have no idea how I know that. hahaha) I guess we're at a concert (judging from being with Paulina, you can guess whcih concert) and we're just taking pictures and I was taking pictures of them but they're like, "Kelsey join the picture!" so I was all happy. I don't know if I met them or not but that was a happy dream.. Can anyone analyze that for me?

I'm not reallly looking forward going to Ontrack, Aplus, etc.
A-plus.. I'm the secretary but I haven't even gotten all the emails to email everyone when there ISN'T a meeting. Oh boy..
My mom says I don't do enough extracurricular activities.. And that I should run for an office.
There is NO way I'm running for ASB so I settled to run for CSF or NHS.
But.. :[
I suck at speeches and I have the worst stage fright.
Even if I know the people in the class, I still get nervous.
Like my Romeo and Juliet lines. I FROZE up. -___-

I don't like..

Hotshots.
Some people think they know EVERYTHING in the world, yet they don't know how to fix up their miserable lives.
They feel like they don't need anything or anyone, but yet they are desperately trying to talk to more people but just won't admit it. They seem happy, but they are crying inside.
Too much ego, those people have.
I was watching House and one of the patients was like that. Lol

Hmm.

Today was really lethargic for me.
I'm almost done with AP Biology homework, but the day went by sooo slowww.
Maybe because the weather is a gloomy.
My parents got into a "fight" (I wouldn't even call it a fight. lol) because it was raining a lot last night and water leaked through our front door. So my mom tried to get rid of the water and used a hair dryer to dry up the water. Umm, bad idea. Because of the heat from the hair dryer and the water soaking in the wood floor, our wood floor near the French doors are now splintered and look like mini mountains. o_o
And, nooo. -_- Winter break is finally over! It was nice and relaxing, like all the other breaks (and mini ones) we've had.
Kayla, you actually read all my posts? 41 posts in all?! DANGGG.
You should be lucky that you have all A's. :]
People like me make you feel better, huh? Haha
I'm worried about the math final because Annika said it was hard (and she wasn't doing that to scare me).
Let's just hope that I do well on my finals so I can partayy.
I was reading the post I wrote from yesterday and just realized I repeated what I said about the Dick Clark thingy from December 31. Oh well.
Hmm, I have nothing else to say.

Yeah, I learned a lot n 2007.
And it's true that you learn from your mistakes (well for me).
Like, one mistake: popping an unready pimple (XD). due to THAT, I have a scar on my face.
Blahh. I'm never going to do that again!

PS. I don't know if I've said this but, House is REALLY good.
My sister watched at Least 10 hours of House while on the road to Mammoth.
Except, I don't really like Hugh Laurie's voice.
It's too deep, which makes it sound.. rumbly.
I don't think that made any sense.

- Kelsey

Mammoth Lake.

Quote of the Day: Sometimes.. "Ignorance is Bliss"

So, my family and I left to go to Mammoth on Wednesday (5 hour drive woo. -_-) and I was pretty excited. We got there at around 3:00 so we would have time to rest for the next day. For dinner we ate at this restaurant (more like a homey, family owned one) and it had a lot of comfort food. I decided on a cheeseburger with mashed potatoes (bahaha) and it was soooo good. Very filling and satisfying. The next day, I woke up at 7:00 (and I had a very hard time waking up, and I even went to bed at 9:00. How am I gonna survive school now?) and we went upstairs to get some breakfast. My dad overhead a lady that works at the inn sayng that there will be a huge snow storm happening on tonight so naturally, he started to freak out. We still went skiing, but the weather was pretty bad. I got whipped my snow wind. Haha We skiied for 3 hours and went back to the inn, gathered our belongings and drove home. Oh, to note about skiing. Yeah, last time I went skiing, I chose snowboarding and I didn't have good experiences with that so I decided to ski this time. When I was little, I was a little ski devil and I was never afraid of going fast. Time time, it was different. My dad didn't think I was THAT beginner so I tagged along with Annika and him to the intermediate course. Looking down at the slope, I got scared. I made the A alllll the way down the hill. I kept on falling (and with skis, that hurts. no wonder im sore -_-) and i just sat on the snow for the next 30 minutes, watching everyone pass by me. My dad called me and he was really worried that I was hurt. I kept on telling him I was fine, but he was so worried he called a ski patrol man. He never told me, and I don't like to give up so I made myself go down the hill. Yeah, I never knew that the rescue guy came for me. And two men asked if I needed help because apparentally I was the only one sitting down on the intermediate course. Dumb me! I felt really dumb because I didn't thinkI needed help so when I got up, I didn't realize I lost one of my skiis until the man was like, "um here's your other ski".. Haha, "blonde" moment! After that experience, I went on the bunny slope with my sister and we both worked on our turning and stuff. Sadly, after 3 runs on the bunny slope and I was getting better we had to leave. My dad was already tired after that one run on the intermediate course. That was a sign of old age and he wasn't too happy about that. :[ Now today is Friday and we are safe at home. I read an article about the snow storm and it sounds pretty rough. Thank God we left Mammoth early, or else we would have had to stay at the inn, doing nothing for an extra day. Haha I just started to think about finals.. How depressing. I need (and want) to do well on all my finals. Even PE. Yeah that's right, I have a B in PE because I've been absent 5 times. XD I think I need to make it upp... And I already made my "How did I do on my finals" check list in my agenda. Wow, I'ma dork. So, JB updated their tour dates of When you Look Me in the eyees. They're coming to LA on Feb 2 at the Gibson Amphitheatre (universal studios). everytime they come here, i want to go sooo bad, but somethings stopping me. jan 31 is the last day of the semester, i dont know how ill feel. or how my parents will feel. i think i put too much pressure and sadness on me when grades come. thats why i dont think ill go to this concert. ill never go to a concert of theirs. its not an opinion, it's a fact. -sigh- oh well
ive learned to not expect much from getting what i want (Jb wise. lol)


OH, and New Years.
Was a lot of fun as always.
I don't know what I would do without my fam bam.
Played Yutnolee again. I finally found out how it feels to actually LOSE. The first game, I was first place; won 20 dollars. the next 2 games.. 2nd and 3rd (or 4th?) place.
I felt horrible. If you have a winning streak, losing is the worst possible thing to happen. =/
I got ___ dollars for New Years. ___ less from last years, but I'm not complaining. :]
i visited my grandpas grave. we cleaned his plate with windex. :D
the cemettary was filled with christmas trees and decorations. it was nice
i took a picture of this "thing" at the cemetary and I really like the picture.
i just need to upload it onto my computer..

BAHAHAA and!
New Years Eve, I watched the Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve show.
I'm not a hater of Miley, but some incidents of her with her being famous makes me laughh.
So I watch her perform.
Could NOT stop laughing because she sounded so bad.
Maybe it was because she was cold? I don't know, but to solve that problem she could have at least worn a COAT.
She was yelling throughout the whole performance and her expressions were priceless.
She got a bit emotional during GNO, wonder why? ;]]
Joe didn't sound very good either. And he has the same hairstyle as me. =|
Well at least Miley sing better than me.
Wow, that's an insult to myself. hahaha

- Kelsey
(I strive elegance)