i try so hard
but yet, im never content with what i achieve
because its always not the best
no matter how hard i try
im never good enough.
also,
thanks for giving me 8 months of euphoria.
it's been a great ride
but i think it's time for me to let go and
move on.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
sorry
i haven't been updating.
basically because finals is next week thus im stressed
also, i am too lazy =)
but im eexcited for next friday!
woo, dancing singing with catherine
well mostly just me dancing and catherine staring at me in disgust. :D WOOT.
1st semester = total bomb
2nd semester will be = contentment.
it better be contentment. >:O
and im such a dork that i like to put makeup on when im bored.
i think ill start wearing.. eyeliner and stuff when im a junior
or maybe even now/later in sophmore year
but no one would really notice anyways since i have no lids
and i would only put it on the top lid, not the bottom.
But, yeah. :P
Monday, January 21, 2008
WHY?
Why did I put myself in this position?! If I wasn't in this position, I bet you 100% on February 2nd I wouldn't be worrying at all and be rocking out (haha) and going to that concert. I could have gotten 5th row tickets. But just by myself. -_- Well things happen for a reason. So I woke up at 9:30 and I had some free time and I was really bored so I put eyeliner on (yeah, great way to spend my time. -_-) and boy, how makeup can change a person. it made my eyes bigger. hahaand then i dressed like nick jonas.
.... shut up. lol
i also read Euro stuff about the Catholic Counter Reformation, Protestant Reformation, and French Wars of Religion.
And I felt like I don't remember anything.
Well I probably do, but I need to go way more in depth.
That's why I have two study guides, one AP review book, and the small book. =) I'm set.
I'm studying Euro 2 hours each day eexcept for Tues (bc of mentoring)
Paul is going to look through my math notes and tell me what to study (I already studied but I'm studying for like 3 more hours tomorrow because I need a 95% on this test).
So I hope that helps.
I'm already freaking out about this test.
I just hope I don't freak out during the test and blank out.
Because that happens to me..
A LOT.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
This is a sad day for a Jonas sister.
Yeah, I go on IMDB Jonas Brothers.
I'm not close to anyone on there because I solely only go on there to learn new JB news.
But the other girls on there are so close, they (think) are best friends.
I don't really understand how you can be a best friend with someone you never met, but I can't tell them that.
So, this girl named Andie used to go on the boards.
She made her last thread saying she was going to kill herself.
Everyone, obviously, said no.
She didn't listen to us.
She died on Thursday.
It's just so shocking. I don't even know her, but I'm pretty shocked.
I just don't understand why someone would want to kill themselves.
Here's what someone wrote about suicide:
ANDIE WAS A GREAT FRIEND, BUT IN NO WAY AM I SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED.
LIFE IS A BEATIFUL THING, AND YOU SHOULD CHERISH EVERY MOMENT OF IT.
IT IS HER FAULT SHE ENDED HERS. NOT OURS.
SHE COULD HAVE STOPPED HERSELF. BUT SHE DIDNT.
THERE IS NO REASON ANYONE SHOULD END THEIR LIFE.
LIFE IS SHORT ENOUGH ALREADY.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU EVEN HAVE A LIFE.
YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.
SHE IS LUCKY SHE HAD A ROOF ON HER HEAD. CLOTHES ON HER BACK. FOOD ON HER PLATE.
IM SURE SHE HAD PEOPLE WHO LOVED AND CARED FOR HER.
AND IF SHE SAID SHE DIDNT, SHE DID.
SHE HAD US. WE LOVED AND CARED FOR HER. WE LOVE AND CARE FOR ALL OF OUR JONAS SISTERS.
I AM DISGUSTED THAT SHE WOULD THROW THAT ALL AWAY.
THATS LIKE SMACKING GOD IN THE FACE.
"I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE"
LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING.
IM SORRY THAT JUST ANGERS ME THAT SOMEONE WOULD EVEN THINK LET ALONE DO THAT TO THEMSELVES.
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS, YOU CANT SAY THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT IT.
YOU JUST CANT.
Everyone thinks that there lifes suck at one point.
But why would you throw your own life away?
People who suicide think that no one loves them.
That is not true.
They just input into their minds that no one likes them.
They don't try.
So who ever has thought about suicide..
Just think again.
On a more happier note:
I found some child albums on my dad and wow.
My dad was very handsome!
Not that he isn't anymore, but... Hahaha
He was drinking some wine when I showed him the albums and all he kept on saying was, "Wow I was a handsome boy!!" And he remembered every detail in the picture.
Now I want to make albums of my life (at the end of Highschool and on) so I can show my kids one day.
Memories are forever.
Oh, and PS.
I think my JB "obsession" is slowly dying.
Well, let me make this more clear.
I finally don't really care if I go to their concert or meet them,
because obviously I won't.
I'll just like them for their music.
You know, Sammy made me pissed off when she said that I wouldn't even know if JB is nice or not.
So in the interviews they are in, they act fake?
I find that funny because even if someone acts fake, you can tell.
Like if Valerie acts fake, everyone can tell if they observe her.
Shut your mouth Sammy.
And shut your mouth about how every freaking girl is ugly.
I really don't know why you say that.
Maybe you have such low self esteem that you say everyone is ugly to make your self feel better?
Annika said Sammy has got to be the most full-of-herself girl she's ever met.
Yeah, she doesn't really act like it
Example: She says that she hates her legs, she thinks shes fat. But yet on her Myspace, she has a picture of her LEGS next to a girl who is obviously not as skinny and dark as her. Also, she had a MS pic of her in a tinytiny bikini. If she was so self-conscious about herself, she wouldn't even put those pictures up.
I would never have the guts to tell her this myself, because she can be pretty intimidating.
But trust me, all the little hints and stuff she says and does
She's one conceited person.
That's why when I talk to Sammy, I don't talk about girls and stuff.
Because I'm sick of her saying that about girls who are PRETTY.
She said Emily L, Elizabeth R., Halston F, etc are all ugly.
-_-
Sammy is pretty, but she has one ugly personality.
Ugh.
I'm not close to anyone on there because I solely only go on there to learn new JB news.
But the other girls on there are so close, they (think) are best friends.
I don't really understand how you can be a best friend with someone you never met, but I can't tell them that.
So, this girl named Andie used to go on the boards.
She made her last thread saying she was going to kill herself.
Everyone, obviously, said no.
She didn't listen to us.
She died on Thursday.
It's just so shocking. I don't even know her, but I'm pretty shocked.
I just don't understand why someone would want to kill themselves.
Here's what someone wrote about suicide:
ANDIE WAS A GREAT FRIEND, BUT IN NO WAY AM I SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED.
LIFE IS A BEATIFUL THING, AND YOU SHOULD CHERISH EVERY MOMENT OF IT.
IT IS HER FAULT SHE ENDED HERS. NOT OURS.
SHE COULD HAVE STOPPED HERSELF. BUT SHE DIDNT.
THERE IS NO REASON ANYONE SHOULD END THEIR LIFE.
LIFE IS SHORT ENOUGH ALREADY.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU EVEN HAVE A LIFE.
YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.
SHE IS LUCKY SHE HAD A ROOF ON HER HEAD. CLOTHES ON HER BACK. FOOD ON HER PLATE.
IM SURE SHE HAD PEOPLE WHO LOVED AND CARED FOR HER.
AND IF SHE SAID SHE DIDNT, SHE DID.
SHE HAD US. WE LOVED AND CARED FOR HER. WE LOVE AND CARE FOR ALL OF OUR JONAS SISTERS.
I AM DISGUSTED THAT SHE WOULD THROW THAT ALL AWAY.
THATS LIKE SMACKING GOD IN THE FACE.
"I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE"
LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING.
IM SORRY THAT JUST ANGERS ME THAT SOMEONE WOULD EVEN THINK LET ALONE DO THAT TO THEMSELVES.
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS, YOU CANT SAY THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT IT.
YOU JUST CANT.
Everyone thinks that there lifes suck at one point.
But why would you throw your own life away?
People who suicide think that no one loves them.
That is not true.
They just input into their minds that no one likes them.
They don't try.
So who ever has thought about suicide..
Just think again.
On a more happier note:
I found some child albums on my dad and wow.
My dad was very handsome!
Not that he isn't anymore, but... Hahaha
He was drinking some wine when I showed him the albums and all he kept on saying was, "Wow I was a handsome boy!!" And he remembered every detail in the picture.
Now I want to make albums of my life (at the end of Highschool and on) so I can show my kids one day.
Memories are forever.
Oh, and PS.
I think my JB "obsession" is slowly dying.
Well, let me make this more clear.
I finally don't really care if I go to their concert or meet them,
because obviously I won't.
I'll just like them for their music.
You know, Sammy made me pissed off when she said that I wouldn't even know if JB is nice or not.
So in the interviews they are in, they act fake?
I find that funny because even if someone acts fake, you can tell.
Like if Valerie acts fake, everyone can tell if they observe her.
Shut your mouth Sammy.
And shut your mouth about how every freaking girl is ugly.
I really don't know why you say that.
Maybe you have such low self esteem that you say everyone is ugly to make your self feel better?
Annika said Sammy has got to be the most full-of-herself girl she's ever met.
Yeah, she doesn't really act like it
Example: She says that she hates her legs, she thinks shes fat. But yet on her Myspace, she has a picture of her LEGS next to a girl who is obviously not as skinny and dark as her. Also, she had a MS pic of her in a tinytiny bikini. If she was so self-conscious about herself, she wouldn't even put those pictures up.
I would never have the guts to tell her this myself, because she can be pretty intimidating.
But trust me, all the little hints and stuff she says and does
She's one conceited person.
That's why when I talk to Sammy, I don't talk about girls and stuff.
Because I'm sick of her saying that about girls who are PRETTY.
She said Emily L, Elizabeth R., Halston F, etc are all ugly.
-_-
Sammy is pretty, but she has one ugly personality.
Ugh.
Friday, January 18, 2008
ARGHH
1 more week until I can raise my grades.
poooper scooper.
i dont feel like writing.
a 5 hour nap is awesome. hahahaha
and watching House and eating popcorn with my sis is always enjoyable.
which brings me up to this point..
kayla, this is for you.
remmeber when i was joking about on winter formal, we would watch House together?
well then when I said that Christine was all like, "Yeah we should watch House."
wtf? she doesn't even watch House
-_- i hate how she eavesdrops on my conversations and continues it with ANOTHER person.
like how i was talking to catherine about the girl who won HM tickets and lied about her dad dying in war. catherine told me she was laughing at what i was saying and she continued it with kristen. but kristen wasnt even interested. -_-
wow
sometimes i just want to hit her and say to stop it
stop acting liike we're still friends
bc we're not
harsh i know, but she acts like nothing happened
nancy + christine = twins
its scary how depressing they both are
not to mention all the complaining they do
poooper scooper.
i dont feel like writing.
a 5 hour nap is awesome. hahahaha
and watching House and eating popcorn with my sis is always enjoyable.
which brings me up to this point..
kayla, this is for you.
remmeber when i was joking about on winter formal, we would watch House together?
well then when I said that Christine was all like, "Yeah we should watch House."
wtf? she doesn't even watch House
-_- i hate how she eavesdrops on my conversations and continues it with ANOTHER person.
like how i was talking to catherine about the girl who won HM tickets and lied about her dad dying in war. catherine told me she was laughing at what i was saying and she continued it with kristen. but kristen wasnt even interested. -_-
wow
sometimes i just want to hit her and say to stop it
stop acting liike we're still friends
bc we're not
harsh i know, but she acts like nothing happened
nancy + christine = twins
its scary how depressing they both are
not to mention all the complaining they do
Monday, January 14, 2008
Name change?
So I was eating dinner with my familia and then we were suddenly talking about how each name seems to fit each person. My dad chimes in saying that he hates his name - Johnny. Not John, but Johnny. We were trying to figure out a name that would fit him and we decided on David. Lol.
My dad was all like, "Yeah I like that name, but.. It's a bit too late to change my name. I mean, everyone at work knows me by Johnny! At least 100 people!" XD
So he said once he retires he wants us to call him.. David. Hahaha
David and Amy. Awww!
We were eating spicy chicken and whenever we eat something spicy, my sister's lips plump up x10. seriously. so my mom was all like, "annika you dont need to get any plumping surgery for your lips! just eat something spicy and go!" and my dad was like, "botox girl! angelina jolieeeee -kiss sounds-"
bahaha. wow i love my family.
AND WHAT THE FREAK.
I HATE PAULINA (not really, but right now I do. Not hate, but jealously)
HER MOM BOUGHT HER GODDAMN TICKETS TO A JB CONCERT
WTF
Ugh, you suck Paulina! lol
take pictures
and stuff. :D
My dad was all like, "Yeah I like that name, but.. It's a bit too late to change my name. I mean, everyone at work knows me by Johnny! At least 100 people!" XD
So he said once he retires he wants us to call him.. David. Hahaha
David and Amy. Awww!
We were eating spicy chicken and whenever we eat something spicy, my sister's lips plump up x10. seriously. so my mom was all like, "annika you dont need to get any plumping surgery for your lips! just eat something spicy and go!" and my dad was like, "botox girl! angelina jolieeeee -kiss sounds-"
bahaha. wow i love my family.
AND WHAT THE FREAK.
I HATE PAULINA (not really, but right now I do. Not hate, but jealously)
HER MOM BOUGHT HER GODDAMN TICKETS TO A JB CONCERT
WTF
Ugh, you suck Paulina! lol
take pictures
and stuff. :D
Saturday, January 12, 2008
lala
You know how girls think about their future? What they want their future husbands to look and act like, what house you want, what you're wedding will be, etc?
Well I was thinking about what my wedding should be.
I'm pretty conservative, traditional and old-fashioned when it comes to marriage and whatnot (against sex or anything sexual before marriage) and I'm pretty proud that I'm keeping that promise. JB have purity rings, but I don't think I need a ring to tell me I'm keeping that promise. Haha
Well for my wedding, I would really like to have a traditional wedding in a gorgeous church (with amazing windows) and then after that, a traditional Korean wedding. I doubt that I will marry a white dude (lol, but you never know) but I would really like to have a Korean wedding. I watched my parent's wedding video (I can't believe it still works! after 20 years) and their traditional Korean wedding looked so much fun. They bowed to their parents and threw chestnuts at eachother! XD Well, not at eachother, but in their laps.
Also, I love Hanboks (girlls, not so fond of the guy hanbok)
Paul sent me this site where it sells hanboks and theyre sooo pretty. Heck, even Paris Hilton bought a Hanbok when she was in Korea. I like the hanbok better than the traditional Chinese dress because the Chinese dress seems too closed up.
Those are a couple. It's funny because my mom has the exact same mirror in the first picture. XD
But I'm not too fond of the shoes they are wearing.
Yeah, when I was looking at Kayla's xanga, it hit me that I reallly don't like to model (im not even a model potential hahahahaha).
Maybe it's because someone is barking orders that I don't like?
I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the person because I hated to "model" for Christine.
She kept on telling me to do this and do that and I didn't even want to do it.
I just did it to make her happy. -_-
And whenever I told her to do something, she always rebelled.
Speaking of models, I was watching Bravo TV and there is a showw called I want to be a Supermodel and I must say, it's better than ANTM.
There are guys in it. =) And the cohost is Tyson B. (he looks half asian because of his eyes haha. but he is mmm!)
All the guys on the showw are too ridicuously good looking (lol zoolander)
I would hate to date a guy model because they're so good looking it makes me wanna puke.
I want to travel Europe. -sigh-
Just looking at the pictures is breathtaking.
I wonder how BEING there will be.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thepretender/sets/72157600003223866/detail
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